Heres A Better Way To Deal With A Coworker You Cant Stand

Heres A Better Way To Deal With A Coworker You Cant Stand Youll undoubtedly cross paths with colleagues who irk youthroughout your career. Unfortunately, in the case of annoying co-workers, you cant simply remove them from your life. Avoiding them around the office or circumventing one-on-one meetings probably wont work either.Fortunately, theres a way to put a positive spin on the situation that stems from a counter-intuitive insight about dealing with difficult people. When we discern a quality in someone else that irks us, we can benefit from pausing to examine exactly why we have that reaction and look mora closely at what it can teach us about ourselves.The friction of interacting with an annoying co-worker actually presents a chance to cultivate essential leadership skills likeassertiveness, self-awareness and confidence.Heres a three-step approach you can try to help deal with difficult people at the office1. Identify the part who irritates you. Amidst a daily pattern of low-g rade irritation at a co-workers annoying habits and idiosyncrasies, you may not notice exactly how much he or she aggravates you on a deeper, personal level. Think about the co-worker you vent about most often to your friends or family, the one you have interactions with that derail your day or the co-worker you would never want to be stuckverzierung in a crowded elevator with. Take the time to specifically I.D. him or her internally.2. Figure outwhythis person provokes such resentment. Start by getting specific about your feelings toward this person.Rather than making overblown, blanket statements like Shes the most annoying person on earth, identify the emotions provoked. Irritation? Insignificance? Disappointment? This listcan help you find the right words to describe your feelings. Simply labeling the emotionshas a soothing cognitive effectthat allows you to embrace a solution-focused mindset.Similarly, identify the exact behaviors your co-worker does that frustrate you. Move fr om I cant stand being around him to I think its really disrespectful when she talks over people in meetings. 3. Learn to see your reaction to that person as a form of feedback.Use the other person as a mirror. Question what your reaction to that person can teach you about yourself.For instance, consider what this person is modeling for you in a how not to be way. Does juxtaposing your co-workers chronic forgetfulness with your penchant for organization and systems show you that these are strengths you want to leverage more, spurring acareer pivot?Its also possible a co-workers behavior may trigger fears or insecurities you want to work on. If a colleague annoys you because hes always stealing the spotlight, consider if its touching a concern you have about coming off as cocky if you did the same.Now flip the script Instead of simmering in upset, question whether learning to do a better job of trumpeting your own achievements is something you want to work on. Then, make it a priority to do so.This strategy of looking in the mirror, as its referred to in leadership development, may seem simple, but its not always easy. In fact, it may bring to light ways in which youre no longer willing to be mistreated (such as being yelled at or criticized), revealing how you may need tocreate stronger personal boundariesin relationships, including those with co-workers or your boss. For others, it may touch on vulnerabilities like feeling like a fraudin your job or approval-seekingat the office.These tricky emotions take bravery and courage to face. Most people spend a lot of time ignoring these challenges, missing out on the ways looking in the mirror can pave the path to lasting personal growth.--A version of this article originally appearedon Forbes.--Melody Wilding helps ambitious women and female entrepreneurs master their inner psychology for success and happiness. She teaches human behavior at The City University of New York and is a nationally recognized Master Coach w ho distills psychological insights into actionable career advice. Learn more at melodywilding.com.Fairygodboss is committed to improving the workplace and lives of women.Join us by reviewing your employer